The past few weeks life has thrown in some unexpected and difficult challenges. A month and a half ago I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, when I started taking the medication to help fix it, the symptoms seemed to get worse. It finally got to the point where I was passing out 9 times a day. My thyroid levels were leveling out, and the other symptoms were getting better, but I continued to pass out. We spent a week and a half in and out of the hospital and ER. They tested my heart and did CT scans and EEG's. I got to wear this holter monitor for a day. It was very comfortable and not itchy at all. Sleeping in it was a joy. Haha. I wish...
Everything looked normal. When the doctors couldn't find an answer they turned to stress and anxiety. So at the doctors orders I am not allowed to be alone, or to drive, or swim, and I have to go to a therapist to reduce my stress. That answer was really hard for me to accept. Therapy and mental health issues have such a negative label on them. If it was a medical answer I could handle that, but to me a mental issue meant that something was wrong with me. It took me a great deal of humility to take that route, and now that I am doing it, I am learning that it is not a bad thing to need help to learn to think right and reduce anxiety. I am sure that most people in this world could benefit with more practice and aide in controlling your thoughts and being mentally healthy. We shouldn't look at it differently than having a personal fitness trainer.
As far as my situation goes, I don't know that it is stress and anxiety that is causing it. I have an appointment with an endocrinologist but cannot get in until the end of august. So until then I will keep going to therapy, and keep praying. While in the midst of trials it is sometimes hard to see why you have to go through it, but I know that in the end I will be stronger and I will see great blessings that come from going through this experience in life.
This evening I was reading a talk from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, entitled "The Way of the Disciple," in it he says:
"Too often we approach the gospel like a farmer who places a seed in the ground in the morning and expects corn on the cob by the afternoon. When Alma compared the word of God to a seed, he explained that the seed grows into a fruit-bearing tree gradually, as a result of our “faith, and [our] diligence, and patience, and long-suffering.” It’s true that some blessings come right away: soon after we plant the seed in our hearts, it begins to swell and sprout and grow, and by this we know that the seed is good. From the very moment we set foot upon the pathway of discipleship, seen and unseen blessings from God begin to attend us.
But we cannot receive the fulness of those blessings if we “neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment.”
Knowing that the seed is good is not enough. We must “nourish it with great care, that it may get root.” Only then can we partake of the fruit that is “sweet above all that is sweet, and … pure above all that is pure” and “feast upon this fruit even until [we] are filled, that [we] hunger not, neither shall [we] thirst.”
Discipleship is a journey. We need the refining lessons of the journey to craft our character and purify our hearts. By patiently walking in the path of discipleship, we demonstrate to ourselves the measure of our faith and our willingness to accept God’s will rather than ours."
Reading this talk was a great reminder that things do not always come easy or quickly but you cannot give up on the small, important things in life. I don't know what will end up happening in our life, but I do know that the most terrible thing would be for me to forget what is most important and to not have the faith to be a disciple of Christ though the good and bad. The Savior was there for each of us in the darkest and lowest of all abysses, we cannot give up on Him when we must also suffer a portion. If we did not, how could we ever think that we would be worthy of Him?
To read the rest of His talk follow this link: The way of the disciple
